Haiz. Things haven't been going well between Love and I lately. We just happen to quarrel every week. Which will end up with me giving in, but crying. And crying very badly.

I remember that in the first week, Love accused me of never giving him any presents for important days, while I keep asking for presents on my important days. This is so not true. I remember all the dates, as most girls do. And I want to celebrate all kinds of days and anniversaries. Little did I know that Love isn't someone who wants to celebrate things.

As such, I went through a year with no Christmas, a forced New Year outing to my friends' chalet, no Chinese New Year visit to his relative, no Valentine's day outing (though I had a present), no birthday present (though I had an outing), and hmmm, I don't know if this year I will have a Christmas and New Year. I want to celebrate his birthday and our anniversary too. Hopefully.

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And then the week after, we went to a concert. Love somehow was too busy rushing for time to take him my words. He bought something I did not want, and we quarreled. It wasn't the thing. I just couldn't stomach it that my future husband can fail to take in my words. I feel overpowered, undermined, and not important in his life at all. I lose the sense of security, cos I do not know if at this moment, I were sent to hospital, will he take note???

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And last week, Love beat me. Three times. Very hard. My first time getting beaten for at least a decade. Mum stopped the using the cane eons ago.

I feel that no matter what happens, couples should never ever beat each other. You can scream, you can shout, you can leave, but no getting physical. I am not sure about him though. Maybe he thinks it's alright for the guy to beat up his wife.

I don't want to live in fear and lots of insecurity that this will happen again. Do I risk being abused in future? Don't know.

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I hope nothing happens this week.