I can't believe I am back at this blog after two years.

When I ask you if I can out go on weekends, you always tell me can, as long as you're asleep. But it really comes that I want to go out, you don't allow me.

I have been sacrificing all my weekends since I met you three years ago. Do you know how many outings I've rejected just because I am obliged to accompany you?

But do you ever appreciate?

Have you ever thought of how much you are taking away my youth, my freedom and my life? But have you ever treated me better and love me more than dollars and dresses?

I just want to cry.

I am still so cold after 2 weeks. I hate the aircon. We only have 1 blanket. At your house, we have a big one, already, you snatch from me in your sleep. Is it you want to chase me out of the room?

When I came, lao gong complained that I am fat. I tried to slim down. Lao gong complain I am dark. When will be good for you?

How come other guys can tell me I am just nice, you'd always find something bad about me? I am not good enough, I am living in tears everyday because of the harsh words. Every time you say me, I feel hurt and cry.

Lao gong is so practical. He hates me when I have my period. I am crying now. Why he doesn't likes me for me. I feel like a cheap easy to get sex girl.

T.T Last year, no present. This year, lao gong doesn't remembers my birthday.

Lao gong make me hungry as usual. And took away the internet thing just because I left for a while. So mean. I was wrong to forget to disconnect. But lao gong could have told me, asked me, or used my com to access facebook, instead of meanly ba dao ly taking it away. Evil. Just like the way he snatched the karaoke controller from me. So sad. Don't dote on me de. Hungry and unhappy today.

No sweat, I feel so uneasy. Already planned my gym session then so hungry cannot go.

So short-changed.

Cried to sleep again.

All I want is a glass of plain warm water. (ALL my friends know I drink plain water. Only lao gong don't know.)

I don't understand why the whole world want to touch touch me, only my lao gong don't want.

Wish I can get tied up and raped everyday. Not turned on, not wet, how to go down?

You are so selfish. You turned on le then don't care me.

Friends and ah pek also look at me. Lao gong see me, rather play games, listen to music. Not interested in me.

lao gong say I didn't update this for so long. Today is Day 1 of lao gong being away. My mentor only let us know less than 12 hours ago that he wants the reports in hard copy on his desk at 2pm. So I am still awake now. Going to sleep. Have to be up at 8am to complete report, and go to school to print it out. Then it's back home and study, watching lecture videos for the next test.

Oh, and don't forget have to go to lab to remove the spike phase from the samples so that I can do the next samples... Mentor says the spike phases costs few hundred dollars just for about 1g. *faint* hor.

lao gong, missing you already. I think you have internet, will come and see this. Love ya lots. Looking forward to the week to get by faster, then it's meeting on Fri. MUACKS.

Haiz. Things haven't been going well between Love and I lately. We just happen to quarrel every week. Which will end up with me giving in, but crying. And crying very badly.

I remember that in the first week, Love accused me of never giving him any presents for important days, while I keep asking for presents on my important days. This is so not true. I remember all the dates, as most girls do. And I want to celebrate all kinds of days and anniversaries. Little did I know that Love isn't someone who wants to celebrate things.

As such, I went through a year with no Christmas, a forced New Year outing to my friends' chalet, no Chinese New Year visit to his relative, no Valentine's day outing (though I had a present), no birthday present (though I had an outing), and hmmm, I don't know if this year I will have a Christmas and New Year. I want to celebrate his birthday and our anniversary too. Hopefully.

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And then the week after, we went to a concert. Love somehow was too busy rushing for time to take him my words. He bought something I did not want, and we quarreled. It wasn't the thing. I just couldn't stomach it that my future husband can fail to take in my words. I feel overpowered, undermined, and not important in his life at all. I lose the sense of security, cos I do not know if at this moment, I were sent to hospital, will he take note???

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And last week, Love beat me. Three times. Very hard. My first time getting beaten for at least a decade. Mum stopped the using the cane eons ago.

I feel that no matter what happens, couples should never ever beat each other. You can scream, you can shout, you can leave, but no getting physical. I am not sure about him though. Maybe he thinks it's alright for the guy to beat up his wife.

I don't want to live in fear and lots of insecurity that this will happen again. Do I risk being abused in future? Don't know.

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I hope nothing happens this week.